Riding Tandem

Vivian Kvam 00:00:28
Hello, friends . Welcome back to Tandem Works. I'm your host , Vivian Kvam, and I have a really fabulous
guest with me today to introduce , and I'm excited about introducing you to her because I don't know her
particularly well either. So I'm also getting to have just a fun kind of chat date here as well. And we're
going to be talking all about confident decision making . And this is such a great topic whether you are a
business owner or if you're thinking about becoming a business owner or even if you're not , and you're
just here because you're curious about this world . There are so many things to talk about when it comes
to decision making . And I don't know about you, but I have definitely found myself stuck in some
decisions , some very big life altering decisions , as well as just what to order off the menu last night at a
new Thai restaurant . And I love Thai, so it was a really hard decision to make. But there can be
overwhelmed with decision making and other people can feel super confident but then wonder if they
made the right decision later. So I'm looking forward to hearing more from Kirsten Parker, who is a
master at making decisions . And just to tell you a little bit about her and then we're going to jump in
here. Kirsten runs the Decision Masters program , so she'll talk more about that because I think this is
going to be an awesome resource for so many of us. And that's a coaching membership for smarty
pants , high achievers who want to stop overthinking and make confident decisions with ease and
efficiency and who doesn't want that because it sounds delightful . She is also the host of her own
podcast , and so I'd love for you to check that out . I've listened to it. It's a great , delightful podcast .
Called Decision Masters , so be sure to check that out . We'll have links, of course , in the show notes for
everyone . So welcome . I'm so glad that you're here and we're finally doing this .

Kirsten Parker 00:02:44
Yay. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited for our exploratory chat , as you say.

Vivian Kvam 00:02:50
Yes, it's fun because so many of my amazing friends , mentors , coaches , people that I can just call on, I
have met online . Well, side note , I actually met my husband online as well. So I have a pretty good track
record online encounters . But we met, I think through we were both mutually in the same Facebook
group and you were starting or you were launching a podcast , I was talking about it. We got chatting . So
I'm curious , how are things going with your podcast , with the Decision Masters podcast ?

Kirsten Parker 00:03:26
It's a fun adventure . I think that , first of all, you're really good at the online relationships . I am not
surprised at all that you met your husband through there because I think some people just make it easier
to stay connected . I know that a lot of what I work with people on is like judgment about how they're not
in touch enough with their friends or they're not good enough at relationships , quote , unquote . And so I
just want to acknowledge it seems like a little superpower of yours .

Vivian Kvam 00:03:54
Thank you. I've never thought about that .

Kirsten Parker 00:03:57
You made it really easy to just like, get to know each other and become online friends and then like
become stay in touch and yeah, so, you.

Vivian Kvam 00:04 :06
Know, one of the things I think about that is there's so many great people who send and you do a great
job of this . You send like, emails out , you send your weekly emails and I think a big piece of that is
respond to the emails that delight you. I just felt a great connection and I used to just be like, oh, that
was great . What a great email from Kirsten . And then I would just delete it or archive it or whatever , and
now I'm like, well, hold up, if I was in real life, what would I do? I'd be like, hey, that was a really great
conversation .

Kirsten Parker 00:04 :35
Thanks.

Vivian Kvam 00:04 :35
So I've been hitting reply more. Yeah, that's a piece of it. I don't know.

Kirsten Parker 00:04 :39
It's a huge piece of it, I think . And it's like, I'm a studyer , I'm like a student by nature . So I will go through
periods of my life where I subscribe to everyone's newsletters because I want to hear what everyone has
to say. But I think that we're so fortunate to be small business owners and those are your people . And
I'm a people person . I spent over ten years working in theater , and I know that so many people who you
help and are listening to you started somewhere different than being a small business owner. So it can
be really easy, I think , for people like us. To fall into , like these solo preneur cave situations where we are
living on an island .

Vivian Kvam 00:05:27
Yeah.

Kirsten Parker 00:05:28
And we don't have a team to work with and commiserate with and celebrate with . And it's been really fun
for me to lean into these personal relationships that you can create literally out of thin air like we did.
And we are, because some of these people , I subscribe to their newsletters and they're full of wisdom
and they have great offers and things , but they've got a million people on their email list . You can't just
respond and be like, hey, so and so. I really like this email. They spoke to me. They're not going to write
back . But people like us who are legitimately small businesses , those are prime for quality connection .
And I'm, like, been hungry for that in the last, like, six months . So I think that's when we got that's when
we got together , it is. It's been great .

Vivian Kvam 00:06:19
I agree. And some of the one of the things that really lights me up, which I think a lot about more in the
past year and a half, is like, okay, what lights me up? When somebody does respond back to one of
those emails or to a post and they put it in like a private message or something , I'm like, oh my gosh , like
a real connection . Which is the whole reason we do the things we do right , is to have those real
connections . So if you're listening and you've ever thought about hitting reply on one of those emails to
back to one of those people , do it because it's a really magical moment . Yeah.

Kirsten Parker 00:06:55
And that's like, to answer your original question , that's really why I started my podcast when we were
first talking , I think Summer last year. I was planning on starting it much later, but I was like, you know
what ? I want to start making the stuff I have to say more accessible for more people and really plant the
seeds for some dialogues that I'm not . At the time of this recording , I don't have an audience of millions
of people , so I have the luxury of being able to talk to people somewhat directly through my podcast and
people will let me know. Oh, this resonated . Or this like, somebody at a workshop I ran this morning was
talking about one of my recent episodes about the romanticized alternate universe , Lie. And she was
like, My husband and I just call out Raul when this habit happens . And it's one of the most helpful things
I've ever heard. And I was like, yes. It's just so nice because I don't know about you, but my brain is like,
this is what's not perfect and this is what I'm not doing well enough and I'm not keeping up on this . And
all of these things could be better , but it's so important to bring myself back to what's the point ? And the
point is to have more conversations and more connections with human people . So in that respect , it's
working brilliantly , and it's imperfect and it's okay.

Vivian Kvam 00:08 :26
Yes, there's so much of that , and I'm curious about that imperfection piece and how that's going to play
into today's conversation . Because I know sometimes when I'm thinking about making a decision , like
starting a podcast , I go, I don't know if I have it all together . And that's a conversation you and I had
through messengers , and I think we had, like, a zoom call or something like that . And the little back and
forth is like, when is it ready? Am I ready? And do I have this together ? And I'm like, what about the
COVID artwork ? And what about what we're going to call it? And to some degree , you just decide to do
it. But it did take a little bit to make that decision .

Kirsten Parker 00:09:10
Yeah. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing . I think as long as you feel in charge of the pace
and of the standards , then you're golden . You can take four months and love that . You take four months
to get ready, quote unquote , for something . But if you don't feel in charge of it, that's usually the biggest
indicator of, oh, my habits and biases and conditioning are deciding for me when I will or will not be
ready. And that's what I work with people a lot on, and that's what I've had to do for myself a lot, is just
bring awareness to, oh, I don't even know what ready means. I'm just assuming I'm not ready all the
time . So let's define ready, and let's start there .

Vivian Kvam 00:09:53
Yeah. So tell me a little bit about what is it from your words that you do for people ? What are you doing
through your coaching ? What are you helping people solve or define ?

Kirsten Parker 00:10:08
Great question . I help people hear themselves more clearly so that they can understand themselves in
an authentic , non judgmental , self, compassionate , self trusting way and make more decisions they love.
Vivian Kvam 00:10:28
Did you come out of the womb as a great decision maker?

Kirsten Parker 00:10:32
Yeah.

Vivian Kvam 00:10:33
How you ended up this way?

Kirsten Parker 00:10:34
Totally, obviously . Is that weird ? No, it was my biggest pain point , and I had a whole career before I was a
coach . I worked in theater , as I said, I think I said, Tell me more about that . Yeah, I was a theater stage .

Vivian Kvam 00:10:52
I'm literally like, okay, so you went from theater to people in decision making . Like, we definitely need to
hear the story .

Kirsten Parker 00:10:58
Yes. Well, I'm an organizer . Really? I think we were talking about this before we hit record because I just
moved , and I am an organizer . If your spirit animal could be an organizer , that would be my spirit animal.
So the job that I did basically from , I don't know, sophomore year of college until I was in my early 30s
was theatrical stage management , stage management for live theater productions . And I got my masters
from Yale in it. I did it in New York, New York. And I did not get along. But I like that city better than San
Francisco . So I'm from La. I had to just come back to La. I'm an La girl , but the stage manager of theater
is the organizer . We organize things , we organize props , we organize scene changes , and we organize
schedules and we also organize personalities and conflict and long term calendars and problems ,
problem solving all day long. And I was very, very functional in that setting in my life. But in my personal ,
non professional life, I was constantly overthinking , constantly mistrusting my decisions , just assuming I
didn't know enough and wasn't doing the right thing . I was probably behind . I should be farther along. I
should have more figured out . I was always anxious that I was missing out on some other path I was
supposed to be on or I was going to miss it out , miss out on it. So I needed to live with my shoulders up, I
feel like, for like 15 years.
Vivian Kvam 00:12:43
So that's a great way to say it. I like how it feels in your body just like this , and you're unsure . I can totally
relate . In fact , I've had some things go so far with anxiety and decision making and just going through a
lot of turmoil and having to make some big decisions . In those cases where my body actually did, the
doctors ended up calling it. Basically it was clenching . They thought I had rheumatoid arthritis . And then
it passed within about twelve days. I couldn't move. Like, I was looking down at my leg saying, okay,
move, take a step . And my whole body just clenched up, essentially . And it was around my joints and my
nerves and it was a really scary time . But it makes me think of how our bodies respond to I don't know
what to do, or I'm going to make the wrong decision . Or the big one, I think , is what if I decide and then I
regret it later ? Yeah, I can totally relate to that . I like that word , picture of shoulders up to your ears,
right ?
Kirsten Parker 00:13:51
Yeah. It's a hard time and I think , well, I got coaching , I'm not going to lie to you. It changed my life
enough that I ended up changing my careers to be able to help people drop their shoulders and finally
feel more grounded in their own lives. And I think the people that I work with tend to be similar to me in
that they are not aimless people . They are not just wandering around , not doing anything with their lives.
I got really deep into this career that I was really good at, but I still felt completely unsure of myself and
unsure of my direction . And even though I got years and years and years more into this , what looked like
a very clear path from the outside , and it was because I never learned how to communicate with myself. I
didn't learn how to hear myself clearly , and I didn't learn how to talk to myself effectively . So now I help
people . And really why I said I was an organizer is because I help people just organize if they are not all
of my clients come to me with chaos in their minds , but it feels like that for a lot of people . So I help them
organize their overwhelmed , organize their thoughts , and start bringing awareness to just the things that
we didn't get educated in our unique life history . There's a lot of humaning that we do not get educated
in. How do you process emotions ? How do you regulate your nervous system ? And then with decision
making specifically , we talk about all that stuff , that tendency to have pre regret . Like, I'm anxious now in
this moment because I'm afraid of what I will regret in the future . And it's making me incapable of
making a decision with a clear mind right .
Vivian Kvam 00:15:44
Now, which sounds kind of crazy when you say it. I hear you say that and I go, what am I doing ? That
doesn't even make sense. But I totally do that , and we all totally do that . But when you just said it that
way, I was like, wait a second . So I'm regretting what hasn't even happened yet. That seems like a waste
of valuable brain space and cells and resources and how do I get that to stop ? That's not a state that I
want to be in. And I totally know so many business owners feel that way when they're trying to make a
new decision about the business or hiring somebody on or are we going to transfer ? Are we going to
launch a new product ? We're going to buy a building ? Are we going to get new desks? And should we
put them over there ? Should we put them up? You know what I mean? Like, it can just really build up.
Kirsten Parker 00:16:33
Yeah.
Vivian Kvam 00:16:34
How do you help?
Kirsten Parker 00:16:35
And it's a great question to have in mind , I think , for everyone you're describing . Do we buy a building ?
Do we launch a new project ? The question what might I regret ? Is fine to include in the series of
questions you ask as you're moving through a decision , but it's not the mindset you want to make the
decision from , which I think is a trap that a lot of us can fall into . Like, we start focusing on what am I
going to regret if this doesn't go the way I need it to go? And then we make the decision from that
energy of scarcity and urgency and fear. And fear can be super useful if we use it. Otherwise , it can be
very paralyzing and overwhelming and ultimately lead to us making a decision that we don't trust
because it didn't come from an intentional place .
Vivian Kvam 00:17:28
Yeah, it makes so much sense. I'm not at all surprised at that idea of it's a little bit of, like, self
awareness, but then also truly listening . And then it sounds like trusting , in a way, is kind of getting
mixed in there as well. And a little bit from what you're saying, too, is like, being okay with being a little
uncomfortable , but also feeling safe. So I'm curious as I think about that . I'm like, yeah, that makes sense
in my head from a theoretical standpoint , right ? How do you help guide people through some of those
things when they come to you and they're like, okay, I'm thinking this and then this , and this is getting
away, and I'm worried about regretting and that . What are some of the first steps you might do with
somebody to go like, okay, pause. Let's start here. How do you unpack that ?
Kirsten Parker 00:18:19
The first step is breathing , which people are like, yeah, I get it. We should breathe . But just like you said,
your mental what started as mental angst translated so viscerally into your body that it clenched up to
the point of immobility . So I used to be a big eye roller at involving your body at all in the process , but it's
like non negotiable . You have to breathe . We have to just start taking some breaths . And I know people
resist it because when I'm doing live sessions , they'll unload everything that's stressing them out . Let's
just use your launching a product example . I want to launch this product , but I'm worried about this . And
so and so is telling me this , and I'm going to regret this , and I need to get that . And they unload , and I'm
like, okay, let's take a breath . And they nod, and they're like, yeah, I know. And I'm like, okay, but let's
really take a breath .
Vivian Kvam 00:19:17
So real breathe in through your nose, out through your mouth . Why so embarrassed about that ?
Kirsten Parker 00:19:25
Because I think it's the education we didn't get , honestly , in our society , at least, I can only speak for
myself, but the experience that I had, which sounds very different than childhood these days, so I don't
know. I hear, like, social emotional learning is a thing now. People learn to like some schools .
Vivian Kvam 00:19:42
Yes, I mean, at least some schools . But do all schools have those resources ? Have the teachers have
time to work it in? But I'm with you. I'm hearing it more.
Kirsten Parker 00:19:54
So I think hopefully . But I think it's not a habit . And it's like we have to go back to the basics . Our habits
and our cognitive biases determine most of our thoughts and behavior. Most of everything that we
experience in our lives is not deliberate . It's default . And habits are changeable to an extent , but it starts
with this nitty gritty , kind of like frustrating , unsatisfying work of, okay, take a breath and just make your
exhale a little bit longer than your inhale so that you just start activating your parasympathetic nervous
system . Send your body some signals that we do not have to fight or flee. Slow your cortisol production
down . I promise . It's not cheesy. It's not fluffy . It's not a waste of time . You're really giving yourself
access to higher thinking , like, higher level cognition , when you bother starting with your body. So I know
we spent , like, five minutes on that , but I stand by it.
Vivian Kvam 00:21:05
I am with you, and honestly , I can understand what you're saying where , to some degree , I feel like when
it comes to our bodies , we can have this almost embarrassment or like, oh, I don't know. And yet it's
literally the vehicle that's moving us through this world , and it is an organism , and it is made up of we
need water and nutrients and air. And when I think of it more that way versus I should just white knuckle
my way through this , I'm like, I would never demand that of one of my plants at home. I would never
demand that of a child . I would not demand that of my pet . I would look at them and have sympathy and
be like, oh, my gosh , maybe you need a drink of water. Do you need to lay down for a minute ? Yes. But
for myself, I'm like, no time . I don't have time to stretch . I don't have time to breathe . I don't have time to
drink water, and I certainly don't have time to eat a meal and not be doing something else at the same
time I'm doing it. Yeah, no time .
Kirsten Parker 00:22:13
You either have no time or you're judging yourself . Because I'm smart enough that I shouldn't be
stressing this much , or this is an old problem that's stressing me out . I should be over this by now, right ?
Vivian Kvam 00:22:26
Yeah.
Kirsten Parker 00:22:27
Or this shouldn't feel so complicated and overwhelming . So that's the second step that I would lead
people to if they're in this , like, spiral that we were talking about for this stuck place . Breathe . Just
recognize what state what you're physiologically in and then validate whatever you are fearing , whatever
you're worried about , whatever you're stressing about . That's the second thing . We always want to skip
because we are so self critical , and we hold ourselves to such high standards because we know we're so
smart and we know our potential is so great . So it's so easy to be like, I just don't want this to be a
problem . I don't want to be worrying about this , or I know it's , like, stupid . I know. I hear that all the time .
I know it's stupid to worry about this . I know I shouldn't be worried . I know I shouldn't be worrying about
what I'm going to regret . I know it shouldn't be this big of a deal, but it's like, let's just validate that it is
at this moment in time , it feels like a big deal, and it's , like, almost like a curious thing .
Vivian Kvam 00:23:26
Is that what you're talking about ?
Kirsten Parker 00:23:28
Yeah. It's like meeting yourself where you are. Because if you're having a fear that is, like, overtaking
your mind and clouding this decision , over about whether to launch this product or not or when to
launch this product and it's a fear that you are responding to, with judgment or dismissal or just
frustration at its presence . None of that is helping you take a step forward that you feel super clear and
confident about .
Vivian Kvam 00:23:56
So true . You're just kind of staying stuck and looking at it, right ? Yeah.
Kirsten Parker 00:24:01
And it's like, I imagine if you're trying to hike up a mountain , that's what some of these decisions feel
like, right . It's like a big fricking laborious trek , but it's worth it because of where you want to get to and
the experience you want to have and the view and all the things . And you want to think of yourself as a
person who can do this , who can launch this product successfully or be a building owner, be a business
owner, whatever . But if your ankle is like, if your calf is cramping up on the walk, that's what I equate
these fears and worries and concerns to. You can respond to your leg cramping up a lot of different
ways. The least effective way is probably to just keep going and be mad at yourself or ignore it.
Vivian Kvam 00:24:49
It just gets worse and say, like.
Kirsten Parker 00:24:50
This shouldn't be happening .
Vivian Kvam 00:24:51
Absolutely .
Kirsten Parker 00:24:52
This is super inconvenient .
Vivian Kvam 00:24:54
Yeah. It's like, well, I'm too smart to have leg cramp . You're like. Okay?
Kirsten Parker 00:24:59
Exactly.
Vivian Kvam 00:25:00
But it's happening .
Kirsten Parker 00:25:02
Yeah. And it's like, okay, well, what are our options ? You can also sit down and throw a tantrum . You can
give up and leave. All of those are viable options . You can pause and tend to yourself . But I think we were
also talking about all or nothing thinking before we hit record . And we can be super all or nothing when it
comes to these fears and concerns and stuff that make decisions scary. Be like, well, I have to get rid of
this fear completely .
Vivian Kvam 00:25:35
Or I.
Kirsten Parker 00:25:35
Have to solve exactly . Or I can't make this decision until the fear goes away. And that would be super
lovely and feel probably really great , but it's also not the case most of the time . So a lot of what I end up
helping people do is ground their nervous systems , regulate that stress , get themselves into an
intentional physical and mental state before they even bother considering a decision , and then validate
the fears. That come up and interact with them individually and constructively so that you can keep
taking incremental steps forward through a thought process , even if you don't extinguish the fear.
Vivian Kvam 00:26:30
So decisions can really be made even in a state of feeling uncomfortable . That's what I'm picking up
from you right now is like, okay, we're going to breathe . We're going to ground down for a minute . We're
going to acknowledge , we're going to accept this . But I'm not necessarily hearing what I want to hear.
Right? Which is like and then the fear goes away and decisions snap. Right. So it's like you have to
somehow make these decisions and we're still going to have a little bit that feels uncomfortable . Is that
true ? Or how often do we get to make decisions where , like, all the data I need, I have all the proof I
could possibly want ? Actually , no, they think about it. I've made this decision in the past . I know exactly
how this is going to play out .
Kirsten Parker 00:27:11
I think the answer to your that's such a brilliant question , and I want to turn it around on the person
asking it and be like, well, how often has that happened in your life? Like, how have all the decisions that
you love that worked out well, and all the decisions that you don't like, how many did you have all the
information you wanted ? Your brain felt totally peaceful . Maybe sometimes , but the Latin root of the
word decide means to cut off. When we are making a decision , we are cutting ourselves off from
everything that we are not choosing . So, yes, absolutely . By nature , there will be discomfort in many
decisions . And if we're being honest , most of the decisions that promote growth , because growth means
movement , it means expansion , it means not status quo, not maintaining the comfort zone. And that
feels very vulnerable and vulnerability feels super duper uncomfortable .
Vivian Kvam 00:28:17
Yeah, it's interesting how you phrased it that way. And it makes me think I've had a number of people tell
me you're a really great decision maker, or you make a decision really fast . But if you ask my parents ,
who know me the best , right . She's a terrible decision maker. She will deliberate forever about and I
wonder about this from what you're talking about right now. Do you think good decision makers can be
sort of born ? I know we joked , did you come out of the womb as a great decision maker? You're like, no,
but do you think it is something that is innate to people or is it truly like a skill or habit that's cultivated ?
Does that make sense? What I'm asking , are there some people who are just like, they're just good at it
because they were born that way, or do we all have to strengthen this muscle , essentially ?
Kirsten Parker 00:29:10
Well, I think that you have to start with defining your terms . So I think where it gets wonky is if you're
defining a good decision by the outcome .
Vivian Kvam 00:29:26
Tell me more.
Kirsten Parker 00:29:27
Well, you can look at somebody's life and say, like, well, they got this degree and they made this much
money and they married this beautiful person , they had these perfect , polite kids , and they have this
great house, so they must be a great decision maker. Or you can define decision making on the
experience of the process and your relationship with yourself .
Vivian Kvam 00:29:50
Interesting .
Kirsten Parker 00:29:52
I think that it's a really valuable question for someone . To ask themselves if you're sitting here and you're
like, I want to be a good decision maker. What do you mean? Do you mean you want all of your decisions
to turn out well? Because duh, that's not necessarily a special thing to aspire to do. We all want to be in
charge of the world and control of as much as we can be and like have things turn out the way we want .
Vivian Kvam 00:30:22
Yeah, I want to make a decision that turn out perfectly .
Kirsten Parker 00:30:25
Of course . That's a really I'm struggling to find the adjective I usually describe that it's very conditional .
The confidence that you derive from being that kind of good decision maker is super conditional
because you can make good decisions until some surprise or failure or feeling comes up in your life that
throws things off course . And now all of a sudden things aren't going the way that you planned and
wanted and you're calling that a bad decision .
Vivian Kvam 00:30:58
Now that is so good . Okay, so what we're saying here then is people can be making decisions and they
can have great outcomes , but that doesn't necessarily make them a great decision maker because that
experience even of making the decision , maybe that wasn't good . Yeah, I love that . So how do you define
it the other way? The idea of kind of the experience of the decision that you alluding to take me through
that ?
Kirsten Parker 00:31:26
Yeah, I think that the people I work with end up joining my program because they want to be the type of
good decision maker. The way we define it in Decision Masters is you make powerful , authentic , self
honoring decisions . Powerful meaning you feel like you are empowered in your life, you have autonomy ,
you have agency that you're exercising , you don't feel steamrolled taken advantage of, victimy . And we
can all get to those places but it's not the way that we want to run our lives overarchingly and then
authentic like are you making decisions that just keep your life moving forward or are you being true to
what you really want and what really lights you up as we were talking about ? And that can be a big
struggle for people because you can make good decisions that turn out well and look really good on
paper and look really good to other people . But if you're not being authentic to yourself , that's
something I really end up talking to a lot of people about , because we get so scared that we're going to
everything up if we do something scary, but feels like more in line with what we really care about
and what we're really curious about and then tell me.
Vivian Kvam 00:32:37
I got to stop for a second there . Hold the boat , hold the door, pause, pause. Put a pin there . What I'm
hearing you say is so we can make decisions where things turn out really well and that's great , but do we
feel good about it? Which I think for a lot of people that even saying that doesn't feel good , you go, Wait,
I can make decisions that I feel good about . It doesn't have to be because I'm supposed to. So to use
your example , you made great decisions , you got a great education , you have this fabulous home and
family and dog and kids and the things , right ?
Kirsten Parker 00:33:20
Yeah.
Vivian Kvam 00:33:21
But did you feel good getting there ? Did you feel good now? Can be a parameter that we say can be
used for this was a good decision , or I'm a good decision maker, because what if you wanted to spend
your time in Africa and you didn't have a house at all and you were working with or an indigenous tribe in
South America or something like that ? I'm taking extremes here to prove the point , but that's interesting .
Kirsten Parker 00:33:48
Yeah. And you can have like what's coming to mind for me is Halloween is the biggest holiday in my
family. It has been since my whole life. It's crazy. People come in from out of family, comes in from out of
town . When my parents were working , my dad would take two weeks off work , and he had a real job. It's
the intense time . And now it's like your most special treasure time of family holiday stuff . And this past
Halloween , I decided , for reasons that I liked, to also launch the last round of decisionmasters . Used to
have a start and an end date . Now it's an open enrollment . You can start any time . But I was like, this is
the week, Halloween that I want this program to start . And I made this decision thoughtfully for reasons
that I liked, like I said, and it resulted in a fair amount of stress for me.
Vivian Kvam 00:34 :48
Sure.
Kirsten Parker 00:34 :49
Like, in the process of bringing the people into the program up until the last day and preparing the
content and everything , I was like, oh, I gave myself a lot to do. And I think in that situation , especially for
small business owners , right , who are trying to spend so many plates at one time , they're trying to run a
business and do the marketing for that business and do the bookkeeping . For that business and then
also parent or caretake for their parents or whatever we can get ourselves in these situations where it's
like you could easily say, oh, my God, this is a terrible decision . What value is there in that judgment ?
Because you're really just judging your past self, which totally disconnects you from yourself , does not
strengthen your relationship with yourself . And it sets this precedent that I'm only allowed to like my
decisions if I never feel stressed and I never experience mistakes and failures and friction . It doesn't help
in any way. There's no valuable information in that judgment . It's really just like your leg is cramping on
the hike and you're just punching yourself in the leg. It's not a good use of your time and energy. And
when I was in that busy week where I was like, oh, this is a lot, instead of going straight to judging myself
and just beating myself up for making the decisions , I knew I'd made them from an intentional place . And
did I predict everything accurately the way it was going to go? No. Surprises and failures and feelings ,
they happen . My mom went to the hospital like five days before Halloween because she fell on her face.
Oh, no, that was not planned . And I wasn't there because I was working . But we have to stop getting in
the habit of experiencing something that feels like a challenge or feels like a failure in the moment and
immediately going to judging ourselves and judging our decisions . Because it's not as valuable as
staying on your own team and using all of your resources and resilience in that moment to navigate that
challenge .
Vivian Kvam 00:37:05
Yeah, I could totally see that and absolutely have experienced that . And then when I think through the
lens of getting to look into other people's lives as well, which is always fun, you can see it through the
stories , right ? Like, the stories that I've encountered , the stories I see out there as well, of why do we
spend so much time when you think about it, why do we spend so much time going , oh, it didn't turn out ,
so it was a bad decision .
Kirsten Parker 00:37:31
Exactly, yeah. And you can learn from it. You can learn from it. You can decide like, okay, I'm going to
evaluate what worked well, what didn't work well about that situation . I'm going to use that data to make
more informed decisions made in the future with more information . We're always supposed to get more
information the more we move forward through time . So I always encourage people as they make a
decision and commit to it. The point of this is to find out what happens next.
Vivian Kvam 00:38:12
It's almost like you're playing yes. And you're like, hey, if I stacked this block here or I stack this block
here, you know what , I think I'm going to stack this one. Let's try it, see what happens .
Kirsten Parker 00:38:22
Yeah.
Vivian Kvam 00:38:22
And then you're like, oh, it didn't work . Okay, but now I know something and I can stack the block a
different way. There was way more playful to me when I think of it in that regard , and so much more fun
because some of you think decisions , you're like, oh my gosh , this could wreck my life forever. And then
you're like, really? Or am I just going to learn something here?
Kirsten Parker 00:38:47
Yeah. And you might get some push back from your brain . Your brain might argue like, yes, this will ruin
everything if it doesn't go the way it needs to. And I really encourage you to challenge that because
rarely, and I've talked to a lot of people about a lot of things . We've made decisions about custody ,
cancer, moving states , huge investments . You just want to make sure that you're in charge of how high
the stakes are. Like, you put the stakes where you want them to be and it's really fun. I love that you're
like, yeah, that sounds a little playful because what if everything was in a ten out of ten, a dire
importance , like high stakes . I think that's why you and I got to start our podcast right , relatively quickly
without someone recommended a book to me when I was like, oh, I'm starting a podcast . And they were
like, oh, you should get this book . It really helped me. And it was like, I think I might have even told you
about this . It's like 100 days or something to the 100 day podcast prep or something that was like, here's
how long. I was like, oh, no, I'm going to start it next week. I don't want it to be that . It's fine . I'm sure this
would be useful for someone else in a different context . But I just want that I I feel like you can be 100%
committed to something without making yourself so scared of what is going to happen if that you can't
control or guarantee the outcome . Because if it's worth it, you probably can't . If it's not a sure thing , if
it's not a decision , like, I'm going to move this cup from here to here. And I'm like, 99.9 % sure I can
predict what's going to happen . If it's not that easy to control or predict the outcome of your decision ,
that means it's probably worth it.
Vivian Kvam 00:40 :47
This just makes me think it and totally , I have nothing to back this up with . I'm just kind of riffing here of
what it's making me think . So this is not scientific or well researched , but it makes me think of kids again
when they talk about how kids , they pick up crazy knowledge within their first few months of life, let
alone the first few years. But then it's like it kind of starts to drop off, right ? Because I forget the exact
statistics . I'm not going to try. But essentially , kids are having so many new reactions and interactions
and they're discovering something new, like every second until the age of five or something like that .
Clearly, I'm going to have to rewatch some of these Netflix documentaries now. But that idea of they talk
how kids learn so quickly because everything's brand new and they're making decisions quickly and
trying things .
Kirsten Parker 00:41:39
Yeah, right .
Vivian Kvam 00:41:40
And as we get older, we start to have, I think , more of that fear of, well, maybe I shouldn't try the monkey
bars. That might not work out so well. Last time I did that , I fell over. But when we're little , we're just like,
oh, that's cool . Let's try it. No? Okay, well, then I'll try it this way. Oh, I tried to crawl on the couch this
way. Didn't work . I'm going to go grab the stool . Let's try that instead . Whoops fell on my head. But it's
like you're building this really great decision making as a child . And then that fear, I think , is what it does .
It starts creeping in or stress or we just start to limit ourselves . And so it just makes me think of that
when you were talking about that , of how do we get that childlike fearlessness back so that we can make
decisions while at the same time recognizing that there is wisdom and maturity of going , I did try
touching that hot thing and that didn't work out . I don't think I'm going to do that again or I'm going to
approach it very cautiously this time . There is wisdom gained , I would imagine . I mean, that's how things
have played out in life, for sure. Not just running around like, that feels good , I'll do it again.
Kirsten Parker 00:42:52
Yeah. That's why I think it's really important . It's like one of my great missions in life is to just help people
get more and more fluent in their fear because it doesn't have to be a bad thing . But you don't want to
make your decisions based on a subconscious fear that it is unacceptable for you to fail because then
you're never going to launch your product . Because the best way to ensure that you don't fail that
launch is to not launch . And if you love that reason, if you absolutely , authentically , genuinely love your
reason for making that choice , I refuse to fail. That's fine . Maybe you're dealing with a bunch of other
stuff in your life right now that makes it totally justified and aligned for you to be like, nope, this is not
like experiencing a failure over here in this area of my life right now does not feel interesting to me. As
long as you're totally in charge of that , then that fear is actually useful because it's helping you stay
aligned with this stuff over here that you're .
Vivian Kvam 00:43 :53
Dealing with and it's truly protecting you at that point . That makes sense.
Kirsten Parker 00:43 :58
Yeah. But you don't want to run your business based on automatic subconscious fears that you're not
bringing awareness to validating and then processing . And that's just like a hard thing to do because it
doesn't come naturally . So that's why it can be helpful .
Vivian Kvam 00:44 :16
To have guidance , 100% helpful to have guidance . I am a huge fan of mentors , coaches , good friends ,
good books , good podcasts , all of that , for sure.
Kirsten Parker 00:44 :28
All of it.
Vivian Kvam 00:44 :29
And paying for those right coaches and mentors at the right point in your life too. I think it makes a huge
difference investing in that way. There was a piece , though , I wanted to be sure to cover because you
had sent me a couple of notes beforehand and this stuck out to me, and I was curious about it, how
there's a balance to you said planning , action and mindset . And I feel like we've talked about mindset
quite a bit . And then there's sort of this planning action piece . And you had put in here that usually when
confidence is low and decision pressure is high, people are bouncing back and forth between planning
and action . And I was really curious about that concept . I was wondering if you unpack it a little bit .
Kirsten Parker 00:45:14
Sure. I think that what I was probably referring to is decision commitment and how we can have a really
tenuous relationship with commitment to our decisions . Because you might have the habit of being very
reactive to things not feeling good or not going your way. You might have a launch plan and go a week
with zero responses , zero sign ups, whatever , zero sales. And your brain might take that information and
say, this doesn't feel good . This doesn't look how I want it to. I should change what I'm doing . So instead
of you were in action because you decided , instead of staying in action and staying committed to your
decision , you go back to your planning mode and you try to remake decisions because you've assumed
that one wasn't right . And then you make a new decision to try to manufacture the results you want ,
which is like, fine , that's why we make decisions . We want to manufacture the results we want . But that
reactionary bouncing back and forth , I think , is probably what I was talking about that makes us it does
create this , like, really tenuous confidence , because at that point , we only think our decisions are good .
Right? They're only working if things are going the way we think they should look and feel. And so I think
the balance is really knowing when is it all right for me to assess the new information I've gathered and
make updated decisions , new decisions ? And when is it most valuable to stay committed to my original
decision ? And I think the analogy that is most helpful for this is like a relationship . If you're married or
you are in an agreement , in a partnership where you're like, okay, we're in this . We're doing this , we're
committed . There are certain friction moments where things happen that you don't like or don't feel
good or aren't what you expected and planned for. And where do you go, right ? Do you go to working
through that friction in service of commitment to your original decision , okay, how do we deal with this
together now to make it through to the other side of this ? Or do you use that new data, maybe
something unacceptable to your standards happened , that's new information with which you can make a
new decision . Right.
Vivian Kvam 00:48 :04
I love that . Gosh, I think right away I totally get the relationship piece .
Kirsten Parker 00:48 :09
Right.
Vivian Kvam 00:48 :10
Because a lot of people might be thinking , like, their personal lives with their partners , but I also think
about business partnerships .
Kirsten Parker 00:48 :17
Yeah.
Vivian Kvam 00:48 :18
A big question for a lot of people . Should I start a business with this person , or should I sell a piece of my
business to this person and we're going to be a partnership , that kind of thing . And one of the things
Mikayla, my business partner , and I did early on is we weren't sure we thought we would work well
together . And we went through a process , and part of the process was, to your point here, we
committed . We decided we're going to make a decision . We thought about it. We worked through it. We
did all these things were like, okay, we've got a plan. First, we felt how we did go through . How does this
feel right ? Then we're like, okay, now we have a plan. But the third piece was we said, we are going to
work together on these types of projects for a year no matter what . And it was, no matter what , if I am
just completely pissed off, I don't get to back out for a year, I'm in. If you just can't stand the way I do
something , or you're like, I really think I want to go completely the other direction we were committed in
for one year, and then the deal was at the end of the year, if either of us wanted out , for whatever
reason, you didn't have to explain. Even you just said, it's just not working for me.
Kirsten Parker 00:49 :35
Yeah.
Vivian Kvam 00:49 :36
And so that's I think it gave us a lot of safety to go, okay, then I feel good . I'm going to go all in on this .
Because otherwise , when you don't have that commitment , you don't go all in. You just don't .
Kirsten Parker 00:49 :48
That's such a brilliant a brilliant decision . Mechanisms in place , but also brilliant example . Because if you
think about how that exact situation could translate to somebody who has a small business and they're
like, okay, I'm going to launch this event , and you set a goal to get 100 people to sign up for this event ,
and it's getting closer and closer and people aren't signing up, you have options at that point . You can
either be like, well, should I move the date ? Should I cancel the event ? Should I do something different ?
Should do a different or you can double down on your original decision , which is like, what else can I do
to get 100 people to sign up for this event ? And if you've made the original decision to enter in this
business partnership or launch this event or whatever , if you've made that decision from a conscious
place , you know your reasons . You like, your reasons . You know, why is this decision going to serve me
no matter what the heck happens ? Why is this going to be worth it? Even if everything goes terribly on
paper, why is it going to be worth it? You can totally trust that decision . And I see, like, I'm in my own
coaching program . I run a coaching program , and I participate in a coaching program , all for female
business owners . It's so much fun, and I see it all the time . People are like, okay, I'm not getting the
results I want over here, or this isn't going the way I thought it was going to go over here. And there's
such richness in just flexing that muscle of decision commitment and letting yourself see what happens
if you don't react out of that immediate urgency to not feel terrible , because it feels terrible when things
don't go the way you want it does .
Vivian Kvam 00:51:39
And yet I can totally see how that has played out over and over again throughout our business and
throughout life. And my parents both were business , or are, I should say, but business owners . And they
always said, you've got to go all in, burn the lifeboats , essentially . But you also have to know your bailout
point yes, exactly at the beginning , and then you don't think about it again.
Kirsten Parker 00:52:05
Exactly.
Vivian Kvam 00:52:05
If you burn the lifeboats . And, yes, you have a buoy or not a buoy, but you have a blow up raft , but you
don't look at it again. You set what it is. And then when you feel like you want to bail before that , you
don't , because that's not the goalpost . That's not what you said you were going to use the life raft for.
It's only if this happens and we so quickly go, it's not working . Like, get the raft . And you're like, we're
not even close to the point that we set that it was acceptable to use the raft . I've done that plenty of
times where we set out like, okay, we're going to do this with the business , and it's not quite working .
And I'm like, okay, wait. New plan, right ? And we're bailing soon. But I imagine it is important to decide
ahead of time what's my non negotiable or I'm committed in. But these are the three reasons why it
would trigger me to say, this is wrong . I don't feel this anymore . Embezzling money out of our company
that would have been to get the raft . Like, I'm out . I don't care about the year. Right?
Kirsten Parker 00:53:09
But that's where the self trust comes into a lot of our lack of decision confidence really comes from just
a lack of self trust and not really feeling again, not being able to feel like you can hear yourself or trust
yourself clearly and not having a super fine tuned awareness of your resilience and your resourcefulness .
So that's something that I mean, everyone listening just right now. Just think , okay, answer the question
right now. How do you know you're resilient AF? You know you are. You've solved every problem you
needed to solve in your whole life because you're here. You've made it to listening to this podcast on this
day. So you are resilient . You just need to remind yourself that is true . And you also can answer the
question , like, how do you know you're resourceful ? How do you know you will solve every problem you
need to from today forward ? Maybe that doesn't mean knowing all of the answers that you think you
need to know, but you will solve every problem . You're never going to give up and just sit down and quit
forever for the rest of time . I don't think that's your audience yeah.
Vivian Kvam 00:54:20
No, I don't mind . I agree. Although there have been times where I've sought to myself I just don't want
to. Right. But I think what always ends up turning me around is either that proof like you're talking about
is this a true story I'm telling myself or do I know better ? And I'm just kind of wallowing . I think my friend
calls it wallering is the way she puts it. Stop waller in me. She'll say the kids stuff , but you can kind of get
into that . Like, I don't know, I'm just throwing stuff around because I'm having a little mini tantrum with
myself. Right?
Kirsten Parker 00:54:55
Yeah.
Vivian Kvam 00:54:55
But then I'll pull back and think , hold up, I've been not necessarily right here before , but I have proven to
myself this situation and this situation this way. She said, no, it's not a direct correlation but I have
proven to myself that I can keep my commitments and things turn out well. Or when things don't go well,
I picked myself back up or gosh there have been so many times where things haven't the decision I
made didn't lead to what I thought I wanted . It led to something so much better . I mean, how often does
that happen ? No, it didn't turn out how I wanted at all and thank the Lord because it turned out way
better than I could have imagined .
Kirsten Parker 00:55:42
Thank God we can't control or predict everything as much as we want to because it actually would be
quite a boring life. Yeah, but I think what you're speaking to is just like that's . The other piece I all
constantly have to remind people of is like humaning is hard. Our emotions can feel very inconvenient
because it can be really tempting to just think like well, I should just have a positive mindset . I should just
believe everything is going to work out and like some of the time yeah, that's super helpful . And it will
change your whole life if you have that mindset some of the time . But you can't put the pressure on
yourself to just have like a frictionless existence and feel good all the time because sometimes you have
to have a tantrum because that is humaning in that moment for you. And we have to build up not just the
self trust but the skill of being able to self compassionately respond to yourself so that you can have a
tantrum when you did have a tantrum . Then you can get on with your day.
Vivian Kvam 00:56:46
Yeah, it's true . I mean that whole idea of avoiding well, sometimes we avoid the uncomfortable moments
or even the painful moments and there is so much I mean, that there's song lyrics and poems and all
kinds of things out there but there really is a lot of beauty that can come out of painful situations . And it
doesn't always mean that it has to be painful , like you're going through a divorce or you're losing your
business or you mentioned some people are making decisions about custody and cancer, and I mean,
those are extremely painful and there can be beauty on the other side of that . But even in small
decisions , the things that are a little less giant life impacting can still feel painful . Do I want to make the
decision to put this food in my mouth or not ? You can kind of go through those as well. And it's
interesting . I've definitely found that those smaller decisions really are also part of the proof . Right.
Maybe you're trying to make a big decision and you don't have anything to compare yet. I've never
started a business before . You're thinking , I've never done anything like that , so I have nothing you girls
are talking about this . No, I got nothing to pull on.
Kirsten Parker 00:57:58
Okay.
Vivian Kvam 00:57:58
But you have proven to yourself that you decided you didn't want to eat sugar and you didn't through the
whole holiday season. That's a little bit of proof that you can trust your decision making or whatever it is.
So I think about that a lot too. Those little decisions really can build up to a lot of resilience like you were
talking about .
Kirsten Parker 00:58:18
Yeah, I was curious .
Vivian Kvam 00:58:20
So you have as we're kind of wrapping up and summarizing here, although I could talk about this for a
while , for sure, we do in every podcast . We were like, Vivian, you just like to talk about things like yes,
that's true .
Kirsten Parker 00:58:33
Same fees.
Vivian Kvam 00:58:34
But you have a six step framework , and I think you've hit on, if not all of them , a lot of them . But I was
curious , would you share with us just what are the six steps that you walk people through when they
work with you?
Kirsten Parker 00:58:47
Yes, and I didn't even pull up my little handy checklist , so I'm going to do off the cuff and make sure I
remember . But you can get this . I have a checklist you can download for free at kirstenparker .
Comchecklist . And the first near I go through each of these at the beginning of my podcast series . So
the framework is simple because we want to be able to simplify our decision so they don't go too
complicated and overwhelming . And each lesson has its own episode . Yeah, because sometimes it's like,
these are really the things that help me, and you need a different one at different times . One is usually
the stand out , like, oh, this is what's happening . So the six principles , six principles of simple decision
making . S is singular. So you want to give yourself permission to make one decision at a time . And this
can be a huge growth area for people who have snowball thinking tendencies and link everything
together . And like, I can't make. This decision without it affecting that . And the truth of your human brain
is that it can only do one thing at a time with concentration and effort . So at least permission to think
about decisions separately . And I encounter this a lot with people who want to start their own businesses
or change careers , right ? But they also want to leave their job. And even that , those seem linked in their
minds . And if we can make them separate , everything gets simpler. So S is for simple singular. I is for
intentional energy. We kind of talked about that . Making sure you're aware of your physiology . If you are
in a totally scarce state , do not make financial decisions about your business . Do not make any decisions
about your business . Right. If you've decided like, I do not want to make my decisions about what I'm
doing next week or what I'm offering or what I'm charging , when you're in a scarce state , love that .
Vivian Kvam 01:00:44
Underlining highlights , everybody .
Kirsten Parker 01:00:46
Yes.
Vivian Kvam 01:00:47
Note taking it out .
Kirsten Parker 01:00:48
The M is for makeable . You want to make sure that you are tasking yourself with making makeable
decisions . This was a huge growth area for me because I always wanted to make I was always on step
two , and I was stressing actively about , like, I don't know how what to do about step 13. But step 13 is
not a makeable decision at this moment in time . So what are the makeable decisions in front of you? If
you are selling a product and you're like, I don't know how to handle it if we get too many orders at once
and some of them are online and the shipping , what decisions can we actually make today, though ? Even
if they affect future situations , it really is a way to, like, instantly activate your autonomy or agency, your
sense of empowerment . If you think about , what can I actually do right now on planet Earth, the P in
simple is prioritize you. It's one of the most important . What this means is if you're facing decisions that
affect other people or not , I want you to ask, what do you want ? Because it's a really easy question to
skip over because we can go immediately to what should I do? What do I have to do? What do other
people expect me to do? What do other people want ? What's the easiest thing to do? Blah, blah, blah.
Fine. Valid questions . We can get to them . But do not skip over asking the question , what do you want ?
Because sometimes that's the shortest straightest line to your best , most trustworthy decision . If you
want to launch the product , that's really good information to have. You don't even have to make the
decision . But you want to know, I really want to launch this product . Right?
Vivian Kvam 01:02:35
I think that's so great as you're coming up to this other letter here, but we just had a woman on TIFF
Florentine , and she was talking about very much that like, what lights you up? What do you actually
want ? Yeah, kind of the shoulds . And so I just love that . So I'll put a link for that too. I think that's a great
tie into that episode .
Kirsten Parker 01:02:57
That's great . And that can help make sure that you're staying accountable to making decisions like we
talked about are authentic , not just successful , whatever that means. The L and simple and the simple
framework is lots of options . So this is for my people who are A B thinkers , all or nothing mindset . If you
feel backed into a corner, you feel like you have to do this or this , if that's your tendency . The retraining
that you might need is to challenge yourself to see ten options that you could decide on. It doesn't mean
they have to sound realistic or appealing or anything , but it can be a really, again, like a shortcut out of
stress and overwhelm . If you're making a decision and you're like, well, I don't have a choice . I have to do
this or I only have two choices and they're both crappy . So we're not looking for option overwhelmed .
That's like a separate episode . But we want to make sure that you're expanding your thinking and not
just being pushed around by assumptions and limitations . And the E is efficient . It's like my favorite
thing . We can make decisions much more quickly than we think . You can make a big decision . We made
a decision , our decision to move my husband and I on a whim in an hour. And it was a really thoughtful ,
deliberate process , but we didn't have to think about it for three months at least. The people I talk to
have a tendency to draw decisions out , stretch them out , spend lots of energy on them . And so my
offering , if that's your struggle , just give yourself permission to be efficient . Is there a good reason not to
make this decision now? Do I know what I'm waiting for ? If you know, that's fine . And if you're just
waiting to not feel scared or whatever , then maybe it's a good little nudge in the direction of, like, you
can be efficient if I know what I'm going to do. I knew I wasn't going to go to a friend's wedding . I was
invited to this was years ago, but I knew and I could make that decision right there and communicate
that decision . But I stretched it out and I angsted about it and I was like, I don't know what's going to
happen . I don't know how I'm going to say this , and I don't know if I was okay. Not efficient , not a good
use of time , energy, all the things . So just a little invitation to be efficient .
Vivian Kvam 01:05:33
I love that . Yeah, the efficiency part , it's so funny because I really enjoy being efficient , and I think it is
one of my struggles with decision making , though , is I am waiting to have, like, well, I feel good . So now
I'll make the decision . So I really appreciate that challenge there because inefficiency does drive me
crazy. So when I can start looking at a little bit that way too, I can be like, okay, let's go ahead and just
make this decision now, and then we'll worry about how we want to adjust after it's made. So I think
that's great .
Kirsten Parker 01:06:04
You don't have to rush. But it's fun when people start trying this on purpose and they're like, okay, I'm
just going to try to make faster decisions all week and not say, oh yeah, we should do that . We should
think about that . We should figure that out and really just do it now. It's fun. They feel very powerful .
They're like, oh, made the decision really quick and then it was over then .
Vivian Kvam 01:06:27
Absolutely . We just talked recently in another episode just about giving yourself some quick wins, and I
think there's some room here with decision making of making a quick win like that . So it's pretty
awesome. Well, as we're wrapping up then , one of the things I really enjoy asking folks is a couple of
questions , but I have a little different one today, the one being you had shared ahead of time . What's one
of your favorite hacks or tools or things that you really love using ? And I saw you pop in here something
about Post It notes , and I have to know more because I love postit notes when I saw this . What's one of
your favorite hacks and tools and how does it relate to Post It notes here?
Kirsten Parker 01:07:11
Oh, yeah, I have it here. It's the today's top three post it.
Vivian Kvam 01:07:16
I love it.
Kirsten Parker 01:07:18
You can't see oh, here you go. Today's top three . It has three boxes. It's an environmental trigger and
focus mechanism if you want to use fancy terms for focusing your energy and your attention and really
challenging yourself to not put 17 things on your to do list and really decide what are the most important
things that I believe , honestly , I can do today.
Vivian Kvam 01:07:47
I like that . And I know this would be breaking not necessarily rule, but principle of one decision at a time .
But I could see using something like that , where you're like, what do I feel like are my three biggest
decisions that I have to make or I want to make or are bothering me in order to prioritizing to get to that
number one? Like, oh, yeah, this is the decision first . So I like that sticky note idea and I wonder if it
could be repurposed into this decision making topic as well. It would be kind of cool .
Kirsten Parker 01:08 :20
Yeah. And it's absolutely not breaking the rule. You got to organize . If your brain feels like chaos , it's
fine. You can organize . It separate to simplify . If you feel like you have a million decisions to make, if you
write them down , first of all, you'll be delighted to find out you do not have 1 million decisions to make.
You might have like, four to 16. Fine. And then you can absolutely run them through the list . Are they
makeable ? Great. What feels the most important and doable today ? Great. Can you get yourself an
intentional energy to approach that decision ? Great. Done.
Vivian Kvam 01:08 :56
Yeah. I love it. Anytime we can use sticky notes to get to a solution , I'm in.
Kirsten Parker 01:09:02
Oh, yeah.
Vivian Kvam 01:09:03
I love sticky notes .
Kirsten Parker 01:09:05
They're trying to make it easy.
Vivian Kvam 01:09:06
Michaela actually , she was showing me this tower on Amazon. It's like a way to organize your sticky
notes and have all the stuff . And she's like, you totally need this . And I was like, yes. I have entered
Nerdham in sticky note land. Apparently , now that people are finding me things on Amazon.
Kirsten Parker 01:09:22
Whatever works . Whatever works and brings you joy.
Vivian Kvam 01:09:26
Yeah. I'm curious what you think as far as just looking back on your journey and you've gone from
theater and being a high performing , successful person in your career there , but then transitioning into
being a high performing , successful person who's doing this , the coaching and helping people with
decision making . If you could talk to a younger version of yourself , what do you think you might want to
share with them ? What are some of the biggest things you've gleaned now for our listeners who are like
18, 1920, and they're kind of embarking here, what would you impart to somebody like that ?
Kirsten Parker 01:10:08
I would emphasize how important it is to learn how to be on your own team, because the stuff that you
think you just need to get through and accomplish so you're on the other side and then you'll feel better
will not make you feel better . You think you need to make a certain amount of money, and then you'll
stop feeling insecure and you'll stop feeling stressed , and then you'll make that much money, and then
the number will change . The goalpost will move, as you said. You think that you need to just get this
degree or sell this many widgets or figure this thing out , and then you'll feel better . And then you'll have
time and space to enjoy your life and enjoy who you are. That's not going to do it. It's separate work .
And I was always waiting to enjoy my life and enjoy who I was until I fear my shit out and felt more self
directed and sure of where I was going and confident and accomplished . And I was like, those are the
things that I need to focus on. And boy, howdy would I have felt better if I focused on enjoying my life
and enjoying myself just directly , which is what I fricken wanted in the first place . And then I still would
have done all the stuff that I did. I still would have built my business , still would other things . But like, it
would have been an easier ride if I knew how to practice self regulation and self compassion and self
trust .
Vivian Kvam 01:11:46
Yeah.
Kirsten Parker 01:11:46
Breathe , breathe .
Vivian Kvam 01:11:48
Right back there again.
Kirsten Parker 01:11:50
Breathe dumb . Breathe . Ding ding . Breath . Yeah.
Vivian Kvam 01:11:55
I love it. So we're going to put some links so that people can reach out to you for sure in the show notes .
But what's the best way for somebody to reach out or engage with you? And you mentioned that your
program is open now, it doesn't have a launch date . People can engage at any time . So what's the best
way for someone to connect with you if they're interested in that program and just being coached and
mentored by you with decision making and confidence building ?
Kirsten Parker 01:12:21
Yeah. Well, you should definitely listen to Decisionmasters the podcast because I always try to give
everything away for free and then my job is to help you practice it and make it individualized so I'm not
holding anything back . So you'll get a good feel for the work and the kind of stuff that I teach and talk
about on the podcast . And then you can schedule a consult anytime you want to talk more about what is
coaching like and how will it help me@kirstenparker .com schedule .
Vivian Kvam 01:12:55
Awesome. Perfect . I'm going to put links to all that as well. But just as a reminder , kirsten's podcast
called Decisionmasters and you can search for that and you'll find it. It is pretty much on anywhere you
can listen to a podcast . Is that right ?
Kirsten Parker 01:13:09
Should be, yeah.
Vivian Kvam 01:13:10
Perfect . So look for that decision . Masters Be sure to check it out . Again, I just think it's excellent . I've
really enjoyed listening to you and guests you've had and it just gets me thinking in a really great way
that I think is helpful for both my business growth but also just personal life as well. And so I think that's
part of the beauty of what you bring to the world is that it touches so many different areas. So thanks for
putting that down to the world .
Kirsten Parker 01:13:36
Thank you so much for saying that . I received that and I'm so happy. And likewise I think that just your
energy and your spirit and your unique take on things is just so valuable and so refreshing and not
didactic at all. It's really human but it's really helpful . I just fangirl . So back at you.
Vivian Kvam 01:13:55
I appreciate it. So fun to have these relationships come together . Yeah.
Kirsten Parker 01:13:59
And now you have to come on the podcast so that we can just share your wisdom so that I get to
interview you.
Vivian Kvam 01:14:06
Swapping podcasts back and forth for sure. Totally down to that . Just as a reminder to everyone who's
tuning in, if you are enjoying Tandem Works and I'm going to throw in there when you go check out
Decisionmasters and you enjoy that too. Don't forget one of the biggest things people keep asking me is
what can I do to support this ? And one of the biggest things you can do is leave a review. So we have a
link in the show notes where we can go leave a review. That's huge. Help other people know if it's worth
spending their 30 to an hour of time with an earbud in. So we really appreciate when you do that . And
thanks again so much for being here with me today.
Kirsten Parker 01:14:42
Thank you for having me. Tandem Works is recorded on location at the studios on South Fourth in
Council Blossom in cooperation with Todd Stutter Productions You.